


Awakenings

by awillsgrahamcracker



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Confessions, Emotional, Emotions, Fluff, Hope, Love Confessions, M/M, Pain, Sad, Tears
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-16
Updated: 2014-04-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 14:15:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1472818
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awillsgrahamcracker/pseuds/awillsgrahamcracker
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>Will would come and visit him often. He always sat close to the bed. Frederick knew because he always heard him cry. His tears never fell silently. Frederick often wondered why it was that he cried. Perhaps he blamed himself because he was the one that called Jack? Maybe he thought if he wouldn't have called then Frederick never would have been shot? If those thoughts were true was anyone's guess. </i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Awakenings

**Author's Note:**

> For [Joy](http://javertuosity.tumblr.com/) whom I have just met and have bonded to like glue over this life destroying ship.

He had grown use to the constant beeping of the machines. In fact he had come to depend on them. He knew as long as he still heard them he was still alive. He often found himself wondering if he was stuck in a horrible nightmare and that he would wake up any moment. However, he never woke and here he remained in the same position, the same state.

Will would come and visit him often. He always sat close to the bed. Frederick knew because he always heard him cry. His tears never fell silently. Frederick often wondered why it was that he cried. Perhaps he blamed himself because he was the one that called Jack? Maybe he thought if he wouldn't have called then Frederick never would have been shot? If those thoughts were true was anyone's guess. Frederick tried to estimate when Will would arrive by counting the beeps on the machine but gave up after losing count and having to start over numerous times. Will never talked. He only cried. Sometimes he would touch Frederick's hand and if he could he would smile. Frederick would want him to know that his touch made him smile but despite his many attempts, he was unable to.

Sometimes Alana would come and visit and that always surprised him. If he was who she thought he was then it would stand to reason that she wouldn't want anything to do with him. However, ever so often she would come visit. Frederick assumed it to be at least once a week. He wasn't exactly sure of the time and, as discovered earlier, his beeping companion was not the best at telling time. He knew she always brought flowers with her and they were always different. Each week his room would be consumed by a different elegant and refreshing aroma. Sometimes she would say a few words. They were never anything of great significance but appreciated none the less. The normal “get well soon” and “we are hoping for a quick recovery.” Like a greeting card he often thought. Alana Hallmark.

Then there were the visits that were like nightmares inside of his current nightmare. Hannibal would visit. He was always so smug. Always so proud of himself in the way his words left his mouth. Every time he was in the room with Frederick he made sure to remind him of who put him there. He made sure to remind him what happened when you tried to cross him. He always ended his visits by saying the same thing. Those words would haunt him for many beeps afterwards. “Frederick, you will never be free. You are stuck here and that's all thanks to me.” Then there would be silence and Frederick knew he was finally gone. Hannibal Lecter was like the monster under your bed and the ghost in your closet. Haunting your mind, never allowing you to escape, no matter how far you ran.

No one else ever visited regularly. Brian and Jimmy did visit once but it seemed to be more for themselves than for Frederick. They spent their time arguing over if they had actually arrested the right man this time. Jimmy was adamant they hadn't and Brian was adamant that they had. Jimmy constantly reminded him that he was sure with Will and look how that turned out. Then they would argue over a stool sample and Frederick often wished that just for those brief beeps he could turn his hearing off. However, if he had control like that then he could simply open his eyes and this nightmare would be over.

Frederick heard the familiar sound of the nurse clunking around in the room. He knew he was receiving his medications. He didn't know what medications were part of his therapy. He once heard the Doctor and nurse discussing it but the piece of information left his mind as soon as it had arrived. He wondered if his nightmare was drug induced. It gave him hope. If it were that meant he would wake up eventually and this nightmare would be over.

He knew he couldn't ignore the obvious no matter how much he wanted to. That thought scared him even more than any one he had had. Drug induction wasn't a therapy given lightly. They were only introduced during extreme cases of trauma normally until swelling was reduced. His spinal cord Frederick always assumed. If it were drug induced then he must have swelling on his spinal cord.  
No one came away from spinal cord damage without severe complications. 

He heard the door open. “Oh I'm sorry. I will come back.” It was Will.

“Oh no, honey, I was just finishing up. Come on inside.” The nurse responded.

Frederick could hear her warm tone and knew instantly she was a very kind woman. Her voice had a warmth that could warm even the coldest of souls. It was very inviting. Exactly what was needed to be a nurse he thought.

He listened to footsteps move across the floor. When they stopped he assumed Will had made it to his normal position close by. It wasn't long until the sound of light sobs filled the room. Frederick swore he could hear the tears hit the floor hard as rain on a tin roof would. He knew, though, that was not the case and his mind had to be intensifying the sound for one reason or another.

This time the tears seemed different somehow. Perhaps that was the reason his mind was giving him that reflection. They seemed more emotional, more raw. They had become so intense Will was gasping for air. In the old cliché Frederick felt his heart breaking. He felt Will's hand on his and again he wanted to smile. He tried to force it out but just like all the times passed it was no use.

“Frederick” His voice trembled. “I'm so sorry. I thought you would be safe. It was the only reason I called. Running would have...” His voice trailed off and Frederick listened as he took short breaths. Trying to collect his composure he presumed. “It would have put you in so much danger. Danger at all times and Jack, Jack could protect you. At least I thought he could.” The composure he had just collected was gone as the heavy sobbing returned.

Frederick's thoughts had been confirmed. Will did blame himself. He wished desperately that he could tell him that it wasn't his fault. He wished he could tell him that he had no way to know what was going to happen. No one did. Did he really think Jack would have let that happen if he did know? Not to mention the fact that Hannibal had somehow managed to brain wash Miriam into thinking it was Frederick that tortured her all those years. How could Will have possibly seen any of it coming?

“I hope that one day I can tell you this where you could hear me.”

“But I can hear you!” Frederick screamed only the words weren't from his lips. They were only in his mind and he had never wanted to wake up from his nightmare more than he did at this moment.

“I don't know if I would even have the guts to.” Frederick felt a tear hit his arm, cold and wet. “You came to me for help and in my haste I did what I thought was the best for you. I wanted to protect you to keep you safe.” A sniffle. “6 months ago hell even 3 months ago I wouldn't have cared what you did. I would have let you run. I would have thought the constant fear and paranoia you would be living in would be your punishment. Karma come to collect its dues.”  
Frederick could feel Will grab his hand tighter. So tight that has fingernail pierced the skin. He could feel the emotion just in that grasp. He could tell Will wanted him to be awake as much as he wanted to be awake. He heard him shuffling his feet and for a brief moment, in his head, Frederick could see him. He could see him standing there, his head down looking at his feet, his hair falling into his eyes, waiting for the words to come.

“I can't explain what changed but I've grown quite fond of you, Frederick. I found myself starting to enjoy you being around in despite of everything. That's what I struggled with the most. How could these feelings be creeping in after what we had gone through? And quite frankly what you put me through. I fought and knocked down the feelings until I was defeated. I didn't have the strength to fight anymore. I had been worn down and all those feelings of blame, anger, and resentment were destroyed and replaced with content, caring, and the one that surprised me the most – love.”

Frederick felt his stomach sink. Why oh why couldn't he open his eyes? Why couldn't he tell him he could hear him? Why was he being forced to suffer like this? Maybe like Will mentioned earlier Karma had come to collect its dues. Frederick struggled again inward. As the thousands of times before he fought his state. “Wake up! Wake up!” He screamed in his head. “For the sake of everything in this god damned world WHY WON'T I WAKE UP!”

“I just thought it was admiration at first. If I would have still been fighting I would have knocked that word down too but I was defeated, defeated by my own feelings. The catharsis was too strong. Then as I stood under that clear, beautiful sky in Wolf Trap, glass of whiskey in hand, wishing you were looking at the same beautiful sky with me – I realized it wasn't admiration at all. It was love, pure and complete in all its wonder. In all its beauty.”

Frederick listened to the sobbing return and felt Will loosen his grasp, removing his hand. He heard him collapse into what had to be a nearby chair. The other man once again gasped for air as the tears fell from his eyes. After a while the crying had stopped but the door had never opened. He assumed Will was still sitting in that chair perhaps his head in hands or even sleeping in an uncomfortable position. His beeping friend's voice had returned, no longer a noise in the background. 

Frederick sobbed in his mind. He made himself sick, a whirlwind of emotions. Ones he had never given two thoughts to in the past. He had never had time for such emotions. At least that's what he had always told himself. He had kept those feelings buried for so long that the sudden surge took his breath away. They ran through his body like poison in a wound. They burned him, tore him up inside.

“Frederick!” He heard Will exclaim in surprise.

Was that a tear he felt? Did a tear just run down his cheek? Was he actually crying and not just on the inside? Was he actually crying for Will to see?

“Nurse! Nurse, come quick!”

Had Will's confession actually woken him? Did the emotional overload actually jerk him from his nightmare? Yet he still couldn't see and when he told himself to talk the words wouldn't come. He listened as people scurried around him exclamations and sighs of relief carrying into the air, filling the room. He felt Will grab his hand and Frederick wanted to hold it back, not just feel his contact. And when the grasp actually came from his fingers he wanted to jump up in joy but still that did not come. He felt Will's rough scruff against his hand and he knew he was holding it to his face. Maybe he couldn't open his eyes and yet the words still wouldn't come but this was progress. This meant he was waking up and his nightmare would be over, reborn by love, saved by its warmth, pure and complete in all its wonder. In all its beauty.


End file.
